Self-Care is Hard Work
Most people in the world want to feel different in some way. They want to be happier, less exhausted, more organized, less stressed. Self-care could help each and every one of them achieve their indivual goals.
The problem is, they'll have to work for it, and when it comes to self-care, most people in the world don't want to hear that it's going to take work.
ln a world where feeling slightly better than you usually do for short bursts is considered "happiness," solutions that seem to offer instant gratification are especially tempting.
In reality, radical, transformational, long-lasting self-care takes a lot of work. It's work that is completely worth it, but work nonetheless.
Why Does the Work of Self-Care Get Ignored?
Since self-care is not well understood, the techniques and practices to create it are also not well understood. When hard work is mentioned as a part of building a successful self-care routine, people tend to rebel against it.
It's been proven to them repeatedly that “work” (in most cases) means NOT honoring their needs and wants, so when they're told they HAVE to do deep work to honor their needs and wants, it doesn't compute.
Work is exhausting and draining, and self-care is supposed to be the opposite of that, right?
Everyone would much rather think that you can "get" self-care through pedicures and wine nights. It’s easy to believe that self-care is something you can check off the list and then just “have”.
It would be absolutely wonderful if that was the case. Unfortunately, it’s not.
IMAGE BY @EMMAMATTHEWS
Short Term Fixes Will Not Last
Also, just like everything else in America, capitalism got ahold of self-care and commercialized it. So there are a million and one things that companies want to sell you to help with your self-care.
All of this leads so many people to lean into these things that are super buzzy self-care activities and then go home and wonder why they’re still miserable.
Short term respite from deeper problems with single passive acts of self-care is not what we’re aiming for.
What people really want is the long-term, radical change of a self-care regimen and understanding that means they are always honoring themselves and their needs.
I completely get it though - you want to fix your life and you would like to do it yesterday. BELIEVE ME - I understand. I have been there. I have also flailed around wondering what was wrong with ME that none of the things that said they'd help me were actually helping.
This is bullshit and especially harmful when you are first learning to care for yourself. You can begin to believe that you are “unhelpable.”
Most of the things out there are created for a VERY broad audience, but self-care is incredibly individualized, and therefore, one size definitely does not fit all.
Why The Work Is So Hard
Why is self-care work so damn hard?
It's not like any kind of work anyone has ever done before.
Until you start seeing results, which can take some time, there is no incentive to keep it up, you have to look deep inside yourself to get started, and there is literally NO ONE ELSE on the planet that can teach you how to do the job because it's about you and only you.
There is so much to do, and yet you have to start small, and let things build on each other.
You have to learn about yourself. Once you start recognizing unhealthy patterns, you have to teach yourself how to actively work to undo those unhealthy patterns.
Sometimes you think you know exactly what to do to ensure that those patterns are broken, only to find out you were way wrong.
A lot of the time, deep, soul-level self-care work leads you to therapy, which isn’t always the most fun.
You'll probably start setting a shit ton of boundaries, which will be super easy and not complicate anything at all, including your relationships. ;)
The thing is, though, you're also going to start building some wonderful new habits.
You're going to be managing your time well.
You're going to get SO GOOD at expressing your needs, holding your ground, and honoring your needs and the needs of those around you.
What Happens When You Consistently Do The Work
Once your working consistently on a really good self-care regimen, you'll begin to see change. Little by little, you'll start recognizing massive shifts as time goes on. Lots of people experience:
Lower Stress Levels
Needs Being Met
Feeling They Can Do Things, Well and Easily
Learning The Worth of Their Time and Energy
Feeling Better Overall
Feeling Much More Organized
Sleeping Well
Asking For Help More Often and More Easily
Resting When They Need to or Want to
No Longer Taking On Too Much
Feeling More in Control of Their Overall Health
Giving Themselves More Compassion
Recognizing and Embracing Their Limits
Having More Energy
Finally Conquering Projects That Have Been On the Back Burner Forever
Easily Accomplishing Longtime Goals
IMAGE BY @BELART84
The Payoff Is Worth It
Is self-care a helluva lot of work? Oh my gosh, yes. Will it be worth? Absolutely. Even though you may not think you're getting anywhere in the early days, sticking with it will get you to the most amazing places.
One day you'll realize you're doing something you would have NEVER done a few years ago, and it is so good for you.
You'll realize that you're prioritizing yourself on the reg, and that you can't remember the last time you did that, and you'll marvel at how great that feels.
You'll wake up feeling rested, and knowing what you're going to do that day, and how you're going to handle all the things, and you'll feel peaceful and organized and on top of things, and you'll take a deep breath and praise the work. Then you'll praise yourself, because the only one that could have done that work, and done it so well, was you.
Wanting to tackle the work but feeling a little overwhelmed? Let me help you! Click here to schedule your free Introductory Call.