What is Self-Care?

What is self-care, then? I define self-care in my practice as anything one does to prioritize their mental, emotional or physical health.

This can look like so so many things. It also looks completely different for everybody, which is where problems arise when we are trying to implement self-care for ourselves.

So many different definitions exist, and so many people have different ideas of what self-care look like. Most of the time though, other people are trying to dictate how you should do your own self-care and that is no bueno. No one can develop your self-care but you.

The trick to getting down to exactly what is going to help you, is making sure that you are treating yourself well enough to recognize and implement your true needs and desires. I use the 3 Pillars of Self-Care in my practice to make sure my clients are well-equipped to do this.

Why Is Self-Care So Hard Sometimes?

The hardest part of building a consistent, workable, deeply-rooted self-care regimen is that self-care is 1000% individually driven. I can’t tell you what you’re self-care needs look like, you can’t tell your bestie what their self-care needs look like, and most of the time, Oprah and Martha Stewart cannot give you advice on how to get to self-care that works on anything but a surface level.

The deep work of figuring out what works for you, what doesn’t work for you, and why what works actually works, is a long and sometimes fraught process.

Add in any other type of stressor (i.e. new parenthood) and it's ten times harder. It's also ten times more important.

Why New Parents Need Self-Care

New parents need self-care. Their entire daily experience has changed. Their routine has changed, which impacts their physical, emotional and mental health. They feel unsure of what they're doing. To compensate for that, they may sacrifice taking care of themselves to make sure they're taking excellent care of their child, even if they were already doing so.

Parents cannot continue parenting if they cannot function. When a new child comes into a family, if a parent doesn't have at least a very basic self-care plan in place, they can get to a point where they can't take care of anyone, let alone themselves.

So, how do you "self-care" as a new parent? Let's look at some common ways that a new parent can ensure an adequate level of self-care.

Communicate With Your Partner

You and your partner are the two most important people to your child. You have to communicate, and communicate well. Don't keep things from your partner - whether it be that you're struggling, or you're worried about them - because it won't help anything.

You need to be on the same page about everything child-wise, but you also need to be on the same page about each other. How will you split responsibilities? How will you care for each other? How will you make sure to stay connected and in communication? How will each of you care for yourselves? These are important conversations to have before your child arrives, but also during the early months of new parenthood, as things will be dynamic and changing rapidly.

Carve Out Time For Yourself

You need time for you, and your partner will need time for themselves, too.

How will each of you carve out time for yourselves? What will that time look like?

Spoiler alert - this time for yourself should not look like cleaning up toys or doing laundry or running other household errands unless those are things that you enjoy immensely.

Your time needs to be YOURS.

This is time just for you to get to do the things that you don't often to get to do in this time of becoming a new parent.

Your time should also meet your scheduling, financial and physical needs.

Don't plan on doing something for 5 hours if you suspect you'll crash after two. Don't try to cram several things into a stolen hour away. If anxiety spending is a thing for you, try to find things that are free or low cost to do with your time.

Ask For Help

You cannot do it all yourself. Read that again. You cannot do it all yourself.

You absolutely will need help. You will need to ask for it AND you will need to accept it.

Be SPECIFIC in your asks.

"The next time you're at the store, could you grab me a gallon of milk?"

People will want to help you and will ask you how they can do so. Let them help you and ask for EXACTLY what you need. No shame, no stigma, no self-editing.

If there are certain people you'd rather not have help from, that is perfectly fine. Tell them you'll let them know if something comes up. You are not obligated to accept help from everyone.

If you ask for help from someone and they don't show up, take them off your list. You don't need to give them more chances to help you. There will be people who want to help you and who will show up every single time. Lean on those people.

Reach Out To Other New Parents

I know that there are probably a lot of people giving you advice. You know who would be really helpful in the advice department? Other new parents.

Find some other new parents to exchange ideas, tips, tricks and advice with. Don't know any other new parents? Ask around. Do your other friends know anyone? How about at your daycare or school? At your church or some other social community?

I promise you there are other new parents around, and they will be looking for new parent friends, too.

They will understand the specific struggles you're going through, and you'll be able to understand theirs. The relationships you build will be invaluable.

Eat, Drink, Sleep

Finally, the big three. As a new parent, you cannot forget to eat and drink water and sleep.

This may be chaotic at first. It also may feel slightly impossible.

Sleep at every opportunity. Eat whatever you can, whenever you can. In fact, keeping you fed and your home full of easy to grab snacks would be a great job for some of those people that want to help you, jus sayin!

Keep water next to you or near you 24/7. When someone offers to get you water, say yes. When someone is near a water source, ask them to get you water.

Staying hydrated, eating and sleeping will ensure that your body and brain continue functioning even when you feel like you can't.

Do as much as you can to ensure you're hitting all three of these goals daily.

You Can Absolutely Do This

I know being a new parent is hella terrifying. I know you've thought of two million reasons that you can't do this.

Here's the thing - you absolutely can do this.

Bottom line? Take care of yourself. Take care of your kid.

Everything else will work itself out, friend.

For more beginner self-care ideas, get the link to my free Beginner Self-Care Workshop here.