Hi there. Are you working on your self-care regimen right now?
Are you about ready to tear your hair out? Are you acting like it's going great any time someone asks about it?
Friend, you need to share the struggle, right this minute, because it's a necessary part of making your self-care practices work better.
I know that sounds preposterous, so let's break it down.
What Struggles are Common in Self-Care?
This is a (very) non-exhaustive list of some of the ways people struggle in the building phase of their self-care journey.
I know you'll probably have some others that are specific to you, but the more common ones include:
thinking you're doing it "wrong"
being too hard on yourself in a down period
sticking to things that aren't working because you think they "should work"
not giving yourself enough credit
not celebrating ALL victories
feeling like you're not doing enough
not acknowledging that you're trying to do too much
feeling derailed when your practice is interrupted for a short time
Every.single.thing. on this list has happened to even the most zen of us out there.
Even yours truly STILL struggles with most of these occasionally.
If I hadn't learned to share them, I would have given up long ago on trying to make any kind of self-care practice work for me, and then where would we be?
Why Don't We Talk About These Struggles?
Put simply, we think we are the only ones experiencing them, and we don't want to be judged or pitied or made to feel like an idiot.
Hey guess what - none of that is going to happen.
Instead, you'll probably have one or two (or six or ten) people in your circle say, "OH I AM SO GLAD YOU SAID THAT, because yeah, that is not going well for me and I hate it."
Not sharing the struggle means you're all alone, trying to do the damn thing, not knowing what is or isn't normal from a self-care standpoint.
Everyone struggles. That's normal.
You don't come up with the perfect plan for self-care on the first try. Experimentation and flexibility is key.
Lots of people think if it doesn't work on the first try, they've failed.
Why would you admit to failure? You can't tell anyone about that, right? WRONG. Talking about what went wrong makes your self-care practice that much stronger.
You won't know anyone else is struggling unless they speak up. You can't commiserate with the person struggling in the exact same ways as you unless YOU speak up.
Errrrybody has to be sharing the struggle for the camaraderie to work.
IMAGE BY @HARLIMARTEN
What Would Happen If We Talked About All of This?
Here's the thing, boo, being honest with others help us be more honest with ourselves.
Honesty is one of the key elements to successful self-care.
When we are honest about it with ourselves and everybody else, it strengthens all aspects of our self-care knowledge and leads to a ton of growth.
I know this seems counterintuitive because saying "this is hard" can feel like you're weakening your practice by saying "I can't do this."
What you are really saying is, "I can't do this this way, and I need to reassess." That kind of recognition always leads to a stronger practice down the road.
We want to call people who speak up about their hardships brave, but what if instead of brave, they're just wildly self-aware?
They recognize that by speaking up and finding those that they can commiserate with and bond with and share ideas with, they strengthen their own ability to care for themselves well.
This means they can experience growth and fulfill their needs that much faster.
Imagine knowing that you know exactly how to solve any issue you're having in taking care of yourself. You get there by being honest about what’s not working so you can find solutions.
Why Is This Important, Really?
The reason this is important right now is because shit is HARD out there, friend.
We have experienced a mass trauma event, several life-changing, world-altering events, and had to adapt to a whole new way of living, all in the last year.
On top of all that, life wasn't really sunshine and roses before that, if you'll remember.
It's hard to get a job that pays a thriving wage. It's hard to keep a job that pays any wage at all. Social progress has led to a resurgence in bigotry, racism and fanatacism that is extremely dangerous. That's just the tip of the iceberg, too.
EVEN IF all of that wasn't so tenuous, there is still the distinct possibility that in your everyday life it would still be a challenge to prioritize yourself.
That said, if you are working to prioritize yourself at all right now, I absolutely salute you, because I know it's hard. When you wake up every day feeling like you're starting from a deficit, it's almost impossible.
Right now, it's incredibly important to understand that if you are struggling to get out of bed in the morning, or to focus on work, or to stay hydrated, you are STILL DOING A GREAT JOB.
We need to be talking to our people and sharing our struggles because the struggles are very deep and very wide right now.
The only thing that is going to help us understand that we are going to be ok and that it's fine if we don't want to wear real pants for a few days is our support system saying, "That's fine! Pants are pants. Eating, sleeping and drinking water are way more important than pants!"
Also, if you are dealing with mental or chronic illness shit is EVEN HARDER, and you have not "failed your self-care" if you need to make adjustments.
It's no big deal at all. You are still 10000% practicing self-care when you are working to find a way to take care of yourself AND manage your mental and physical health at the same time.
Sharing Your Self-Care Struggles is Necessary (and Helpful!)
You may think you are doing self-care "wrong" or that it's too hard, because you aren't sharing how hard it is and therefore you aren't hearing how hard it also is for those around you.
Self-care is supposed to make you feel better and be an easy fix for what ails you, yeah. How are you supposed to be able to succeed at self-care if it seems so hard?
Spoiler alert: consistently taking care of yourself is hard. It takes a ton of energy and work, and if you are acting like it's going great and there's no problem, while still feeling miserable, you aren't going to feel better and your practices are not going to fulfill their purpose.
Just like with everything, you cannot build, implement, practice and refine a self-care practice with no hiccups completely by yourself.
You have to know that others have come before, and not only that they've come before, but that they've figured it out and moved forward.
To do that, you have to share the struggle, and let others tell you that it's going to be ok.
Struggling to figure out exactly how much you can do, or what you want to focus on? Download my Need, Want, Can Worksheet here, and if you want me to be the one to tell you it's going to be ok, click here to schedule a free Introductory Call and find out more about working with me.