Grief Is 100% Personal
There are a lot of ideas out there about how grief SHOULD be, but no two people's grief experience is exactly the same.
Nor should it be.
You have the right to feel and grieve exactly as you want.
Do not let yourself get boxed in by expectations or what others think.
There is no "right" way to grieve.
The fact that grief is seldom talked about leads to a false sense of how it should and shouldn't be done.
None of that is real. It's bullshit that we don't talk about it and it's bullshit that we expect people to just glide through it when it's never talked about.
What IS real is that each person has to feel, process, and walk through grief in their own time and in their own way.
And I'm not just talking about grief when it comes to death. There are so many losses you can grieve. The loss of a relationship, the loss of a dream, the loss of job. Grief comes into play in all sorts of situations, and it's different for every person and in every circumstance.
IMAGE BY @BAMIN
Grief and Self-Care Are Similar
Just like grief, self-care is also an inherently personal experience. No other person can truly understand your experience with transformational self-care, and you cannot understand theirs.
In this way, both can be frustrating experiences to walk through, as you might feel unsupported.
However, if you can gather around you people who understand grief while you are grieving, and people who understand self-care while you are building self-care practices, you WILL find camaraderie.
The really unfortunate thing about deep grief is that no one can really understand it until they've been through it, which means that you may have to seek out new sources of support as you walk through your grief process.
It may feel scary, or vulnerable, or even unnecessary, but it will be so incredibly helpful to make those connections.
Grief and Self-Care are Both Difficult to Embrace
Since they can be scary or make us feel vulnerable, it is difficult to fully embrace grief and/or self-care.
Grief can seem like something that we do later, or something that doesn't have to be such a "big deal".
Unfortunately, not grieving fully and letting our bodies and minds feel everything can lead to more discomfort later on.
The same is true of self-care. Taking better care of yourself can always be put off, but the longer you put it off, the harder it's going to be to streamline it and see more progress more quickly.
Since both self-care and grief are not well understood, nor largely discussed by society as a whole, it can feel incredibly foreign to embrace either.
The more you do, though, the better you will feel and the more healing you'll be able to do, in a multitude of ways.
Self-Care Practices are Even More Important During Grief
One thing to remember is that self-care becomes even more important when you're grieving.
If you have self-care practices in place, it's paramount that you lean into them. Hard. You know what is best for you, and you need to take care of yourself as best you can as your nervous system rights itself.
If you haven't thought about self-care, or haven't really gotten around to putting anything in place for consistent self-care, now is the time, friend.
If you have no idea where to even start, below are a few ideas.
IMAGE BY @lmtrochezz
Ways to Care For Yourself While You're Grieving
Talk About It: You are allowed to talk about your grief, and you're allowed to say whatever you want. If you can't find an ally amongst friends and family to talk to, you can look for a grief or support group, or a counseling service or therapist.
Be Honest: Want to be alone? Say that. Need company? Ask for it. Need people to check on you because you have no energy? Let them know. Be 100% honest about how you're feeling, what you are needing, and what is and is not helping.
Process All Your Feelings: All the feelings are valid. Read that again. All the feelings are valid. Relief, anger, sadness, happiness, rage, exhaustion, apathy - it is all 100% valid, and you need to sit with and process all of it.
Find Support: This echoes the first point, but if you can't find support amongst family and friends, or unconditional support somewhere, look for grief and support groups, reach out to a counseling service, or find a therapist that can help you.
Don't Invest In Outside Opinions: Other people are not you. They are not living your life, and they don't know what you're dealing with. Don't invest your time or energy in what they think you should be doing, how you should be acting, or how quickly you should be "getting over it." Don't should on yourself.
Above All, Be Kind to Yourself: In all things, self-compassion is the key. Be kind, speak kindly and remember that you are one human being and you are doing the very best you can.
Whatever you're grieving, remember that it is your singular experience.
It will be incredibly personal, and you will be the best at understanding and vocalizing not only your experience, but your needs and wants while you grieve.
Take care of yourself, don't should on yourself, and know that all your feelings are valid.
If you are new to self-care and looking for some very beginner ways to introduce self-care into your life while your navigate your loss, you can download my 10 Beginner Steps to Self-Care here.