Understanding Your Money Sitch IS Self-Care
So guess what? Right off the bat - understanding and embracing all the parts of your money situation IS self-care. No judgment, no negative self-talk.
Working to improve it or maintain it, that's what's important. By working to not just ignore or live without any understanding of what your actual financial means are, you are practicing self-care.
Knowing what you can do with your money, knowing how much you have, knowing where it is and where it's going - all of that is helping you to care for yourself.
It can be easier said than done to feel like you have a handle on your financial situation, whether it's a budget, debt, how to make large purchases, or the best way to allocate funds.
Money and money things can get so squishy, and they end up causing us to worry and waste a ton of energy, when knowing exactly what is going on would be far easier and less burdensome.
Why Money Gets So Squishy
So why is money so squishy? There are ten million and one reasons for that, and I'll only talk about the most common ones I come across here.
It's freaking complicated! Interest rates, vesting, principal, budgeting, balancing, taxes! It's all a bunch of shit I really don't want to know about.
We tend to believe that we can't be made to understand it, and so we don't even try. We don't invest or budget because we feel it's too hard. We don't open a retirement fund because we feel like it's too overwhelming and there are too many choices. We don't feel like we have enough to put a "significant amount" in savings, so we don't save any.
There's some shame attached. Maybe you feel like you have a lot more debt than the average person. Maybe your financial history is messy and you don't want to have to explain it.
I get it. I will challenge you to take your concerns to a financial professional, because when you talk it out and see a way forward in black and white (and are assured that there IS a way forward, because there usually is!), that will dial down that shame so much.
You do not need to be ashamed of your financial history. EVER. Life is hard enough as it is. Take that burden off yourself.
We've been told our entire lives that we are not to speak about money.
This is one of those societal things I have never ever understood. Why in the world are we not supposed to talk about money?
It's like grief. It affects every single human on the planet. It causes more stress than just about anything else. Not being "allowed" to talk about it is just offensive.
We may enjoy living within our means, but society tells us we're supposed to want and have more.
The idea of having the newest and best and biggest and prettiest is still incredibly prevalent.
A lot of my generation would prefer to live debt free than live with all the shiny things, because we've lived through two recessions.
STILL, society, advertisers, corporations, and in some cases, our families, want us to have the most and make the most and be the most because that's what they were taught to aim for and that's what makes them feel successful.
I think my generation would rather deal in time than in money, which is another reason we don't necessarily want to do the difficult work of completely understanding our big financial picture. "Can I pay my bills? Cool."
We are either tied up in what we think we "should" be doing with our money or rebelling against it so hard that we are trying really hard to ignore it altogether.
IMAGE BY @SANDYM10
Vanquishing the "Shoulds" Will Help With More Than Just Money
When you start telling yourself what you "should" be doing, and acting from that place, you completely remove your own inner voice and needs from the picture.
That ain't it, friend.
You cannot make decisions you will feel fully aligned with - financial or otherwise - if you are operating from a "should" mindset. Period.
If you can battle the "shoulds" when it comes to your money, you can battle the "shoulds" everywhere, and that kind of mindset shift is what helps you to feel more fulfilled overall.
So what does self-care around money look like (and how do you know what is right for you) if you are starting from a blank slate when it comes to making financial decisions?
Self-care around money means understanding what your means allow, planning for those allowances, and then ALLOWING yourself to embrace what you’ve decided to do with that money.
That last part is the key. Anyone can budget. Anyone can decide what they want to prioritize when it comes to expenses.
Where a lot of people get hung up is letting themselves ENJOY their money when they use it as they originally intended to.
This usually stems from the same space that the idea of "self-care is selfish" comes from.
It is NOT okay to put ourselves first. It is not okay to spend money on ourselves. It's really not okay to feel GOOD about our money, because that's not how we're supposed to feel, right?
WRONG.
This is where the 3 Pillars of Self-Care can be applied to a real-life situation.
Allowing Yourself to Do Your Money Thing Hits All 3 Pillars of Self-Care
Allowing yourself to follow through on your money decisions is going to help you practice all 3 Pillars of Self-Care.
You are going to make decisions about the money you earned, and then you are going to speak to yourself in a positive way about it. You're going to feel GOOD about it.
No self-doubt or second-guessing, or outside opinions are going to shake the way that you speak to yourself about your financial decisions, because YOU know your financial situation better than anyone.
Beyond that, none of the decisions you'll make are going to be carved in stone, so you can always reprioritize or make a different decision if you recognize that something isn't working down the line. YOU are in charge. No one else.
You are not going to let anyone else tell you why your decision is right or wrong, and you are going to allow yourself (even in some cases maybe force yourself) to follow through on the decisions you made because that's how you practice compassion for yourself.
If someone else told you this is what I'm going to do, and you were excited and felt really good about it, and then they flaked, you'd be really upset with that person.
Don't do that to yourself. Hold all the compassion you can for yourself and keep the promises you made to your money AND to you.
When you do those two things, you will have built an intentional way to do what you want when you want with your resources.
You will actually feel GOOD about your money, which is an absolutely foreign concept, I know. You'll have the knowledge you need to make the decisions that you feel good about, and you'll know that those decisions serve you well and are incredibly intentional.
By practicing the 3 Pillars around your money, you’ll also strengthen your practice of the 3 Pillars in all areas of your life.
Money Shit Is Hard - Be Nice To Yourself About It
Listen, friend.
None of these things are going to happen overnight, but little by little you CAN get a better handle on any financial situation you feel squishy about.
Also, you have every right and there is every expectation that you will feel squishy about at least ONE financial thing.
Life is hard, and money is one of the things that makes it harder. Even Michael Scott declared bankruptcy at one point…
Whatever your feelings about your current money situation, give yourself a break.
You are not "falling behind" if you don't have x number of dollars in savings. You don't need to know everything there is to know about investments. Your net worth has nothing to do with your worth as a human.
Want a great way to focus on everything you currently have that you don't feel squishy about? Download my Weekly Gratitude List here and enjoy noting all the things you love about your life.