We all have been in a situation or environment that felt toxic, right? Sometimes, due to what we are going through or someone we love is going through, that relationship can even feel toxic. On occasion, we must endure someone who is truly just a toxic person. There are times when all of these toxic elements can crash in on each other - and one of them is the holiday season.Let's be honest - we aren't all going to get along all the time. You love these people, but sometimes they make you cray. Differences in age, differences in beliefs and differences in lifestyles can all create tension and conflict.There are a few important things to remember in these situations:

Your reaction to any discomfort is the only thing you can control. You need to speak up for yourself, respect your own boundaries, and express your feelings. It might be dismissed, it may be ridiculed, or it may be accepted with genuine surprise. Communication is always better than silent resentment or internally seething for hours at a time. Don't miss out on enjoying your holiday due to someone else's toxic behavior.
Kindness will work wonders here. You will feel better about the situation and so will everyone else. (There are some things you don't need to be overly kind about nor tolerate - sexism, racism or abuse, just to name a few).
Letting your allies know ahead of time that this may be a tricky circumstance for you will most likely result in them helping to insulate you a bit. If someone in your circle lets you know that they are in a setting that mentally and emotionally exhausts them, help insulate them too!

So - what is the best way to get through these holiday gatherings (or any toxic situation) without losing your mind?Years ago I heard of something that, honestly, I figured was actually impossible. It was called "loving detachment," and it's seriously been a game-changer. Loving detachment is the idea that you can love someone, care for their well-being, and still be emotionally detached from their drama/toxicity/crazy.If we are being real with ourselves, all of us have probably been toxic at some point. I know I have. Sometimes, depending on what's going on in our lives, or where we are mentally, we just get a little down in the muck. We don't know at the time that we are a source of discomfort or toxicity to other people, and they may not even realize it themselves. It doesn't cause them to not love us, but it does cause them to not want to be around us as much. Eventually, when things have evened out a little more and we are in a better place, we become easier to be around.We HAVE to remember this when we are experiencing toxicity. For the most part, the people who are making us so uncomfortable have no idea they are doing it. NO IDEA. They are in their own little cloud of misery and cannot see the effect they are having on other people at all. So, if we lovingly detach from that misery (something that is especially hard for empaths like me), we can acknowledge that they are miserable, feel sad that they are miserable, wish the best for them in the future and leave it.Most of the time in my life, this looks something like this:One of my female relatives: "Ermergerd, I could not believe that Aunt Mary was being so negative! How does she live that way? It makes me insane. I just hate it."Me: "Yeah. She's just very unhappy. I feel bad for her. Hope she pulls out of it."Relative: "Yeah, but doesn't it just make you feel so terrible to be around her? She makes me nuts."So...who sounds more negative? You see how that feels? Everyone in the room knows that Aunt Mary is negative. She's been that way for a while. Her negativity doesn't need to make you negative. Now my relative is spending all her time getting down in the muck about Aunt Mary instead of enjoying and focusing on herself. How does that help the situation at all? Spoiler alert - it doesn't.The best thing you can do for yourself during these awkward holiday dinners is remember that whoever it is probably doesn't realize how they sound, and you can love them without getting all caught up in their toxic mess. Focus on enjoying yourself, insulate yourself as best as you can if you need to, and remember that kindness is your friend here.Also, a final note: you are NEVER obligated to spend time around people that exhaust you mentally and emotionally. If you can survive a couple hours with them, fantastic. If you can't, that is totally fine, too. Protect yourself. You deserve to prioritize your mental health.I hope your holidays are wonderful, I wish you health and happiness and enjoyment of your time!***If you'd like some more tips on how to elevate your self-care, make sure and sign up for my e-mails, because this Friday, I will be sharing my Holiday Survival Guide with all of my subscribers! As a new subscriber, you'll also get my Self-Care Starters Sheet. Double goodness!