Yes, Selflessness is Underscored During the Holidays...
We all want to recapture the magic of the holidays we felt as a kid.
The difficulty comes with us now feeling so responsible for making that magic happen for others, and that we don't have enough room to foster that feeling within ourselves.
In a season in which selflessness is underscored, it can be easy to give so much of ourselves that we find we possess neither the energy nor the motivation to do anything for us when our turn finally comes.
...But Too Much Selflessness Is a Bad Thing, Boo.
Inevitably, this leads to a post-celebration crash or resentment, or exhaustion and fatigue that manifests itself in the form of irritation, fights, sharp words, or other behavior we later regret.
When we look back, and wonder how we could avoid those messes in the future or how we could do things differently next time, what we seem to consistently leave out as a solution is US doing LESS, and caring for ourselves MORE.
We usually are only looking at how we, ourselves, the one person that is us, can fix all of the things. Therein lies the entire problem.
Why Letting Others Dictate Your Holidays Isn't Working
There is a lot of pressure today, with ads and messaging and Instagram and Pinterest, to think that our holidays have to be big and showy and expensive and perfect.
Nope.
Doing what's best for YOU will make your holiday season especially enjoyable, and if outside influences, unrealistic expectations and unattainable goals are the where the bar is set, your holidays will be steeped in stress instead of joy.
On top of all of that, the holidays can be a time of very little boundaries when it comes to other people and the influence they have over different areas of your life.
Boundaries are simply your way of telling people what you are willing to do and not do, period.
If you, like so many, have spent years indicating to others that you’re willing to do just about anything to keep everyone happy due to a lack of boundaries, that’s what people now expect out of you unless you tell them otherwise.
None of this is conducive to a happy holiday for YOU.
If you are doing things you don't want to do, letting boundaries that you've set be crossed, and holding yourself to absolutely infeasible expectations, you're going to be miserable.
Why Putting Yourself First Will
Instead, you need to be looking out for number one.
In order for the magic of the holidays to settle over your people, you have to feel good, because this is a fact: The truest form of the “magic of the holidays” that you can give your people is a relaxed, whole and happy you, one that can be 100% present the entire time.
When you prioritize yourself and compassionately work to discover what works for you, what helps you feel energized and content, and what practices lead to you functioning at the highest level you can, and then apply that to the holidays - believe it or not - you can live in a holiday season where a relaxed, whole and happy you is possible.
You will have done the work to know what you need to enjoy your time and your people, and to recognize and avoid the pitfalls that can derail your celebrations.
Instead of feeling frantic, pulled in a million directions, and underappreciated, you will feel content, capable, happy and whole.
How to Ensure You're Prioritizing Yourself This Holiday Season
No matter what, your holidays are going to be wonderful.
You have shown that you are committed to taking care of you and your people, and you’re doing the work to make that happen.
There are a few major ways you can ensure you're prioritizing yourself this season.
Communication is key - you need to be heard, and so does everyone else. Listen AND express with kindness and compassion.
You are allowed and encouraged to be honest and vulnerable about what YOU want YOUR holidays to look like.
Do not overcommit. Say it with me, "DO NOT OVERCOMMIT." Just say no to too much stuff, friend. You need downtime, and so do the rest of your people.
You are not alone, and you do not have to make the holidays happen for your people single handedly.
Ask for help, and express your needs.
Set boundaries and stick to them. You do not have to have a miserable holiday just to keep other people happy. That is not your job.
Prioritize SOME alone time. You'll need it, and it needs to be time that you aren't running errands or doing something that is a "to-do list" item. Do something just for you. You've earned it.
Unrealistic expectations are bullshit.
There, I said it.
A lot of the time, you are also the only one putting pressure on you.
Please, please stop. Enjoy your time, and let yourself be fully present.
That will give your people the best holiday experience they could ask for.
You Deserve to Enjoy Your Holidays
You are worthy and deserving of a fantastic holiday, in which you feel joyous and relaxed and happy and whole.
You CAN enjoy your holiday.
All it will take on your part is a little bit of honesty, a commitment to yourself, and working to protect your energy and your time.
During the holidays, it really comes down to energy output versus energy restoration.
For everything that you do that is fun and takes a lot of energy, you need to have a little downtime to restore those energy levels.
By centering your holidays in self-care, you'll be ensuring that your energy is going to all the right places and being restored when it needs to be.
Here's to the happiest of holidays, friend!
If you'd like more guidance in how to have a self-care focused holiday, my new ebook, Whole for the Holidays can take you from feeling stressed, scattered, resentful and distracted during the holidays, to feeling relaxed, whole, happy and present. It's available until December 17, 2021 for $35. Get it here.