Why Would YOU Need Self-Care?
You're doing totally fine, right?
You're getting up, you're getting you daily to-dos done, and you're managing to pay the bills and keep everyone alive.
Shit's great.
No matter that you are constantly tired, can't remember what you ever did for "fun," let alone the last time you did that thing, and that you are harder on yourself than anyone else on Earth.
That doesn't count.
Everyone lives like that, right?
WRONG.
You do not have to live like this (a fact I SHOOKETH to discover almost ten years ago!), and the first step to NOT continuing to live this way is self-care.
Here's some signs you may need to get acquainted with the concept:
You Know More About Your Favorite Celebrity's Likes and Dislikes Than You Do Your Own
I know it's going to be a shock to realize that knowing Jack Black's favorite place to get ice cream is not as important as knowing what type of meditation practice is your favorite, and I apologize for that.
I am a pop culture junkie. I stay up-to-date with all the things.
I also know what helps me center when I am anxious, and what counts as "comfort food" for me. I also have a routine that helps me stay on track during the week.
I know it can feel way easier to learn about someone else (or even adopt their likes and dislikes as your own!) and not have to do the deep work of learning about yourself.
The problem is that when you need soothing or you're terribly anxious, or you're overwhelmed during the week, you won't be able to phone Jack Black.
Make sure you are learning just as much - if not more - about yourself as you are about your favorite pop culture icons.
When Someone Asks What You Do for Fun, You Feel Like Michael Scott Trying to Understand What a Surplus Is
I cannot begin to tell you how many times an Intro Call with a potential new client has come to a screeching halt when I ask, "so what do you do for fun?"
Screeching.halt.
So many people have become SO disconnected from themselves and their inner voices and their inner joy that we simply cannot answer this question.
That's one of the reasons that I stand on this hill and scream about self-care, because SO MUCH MESSAGING in the world screams the exact opposite: Do more, sacrifice more, sleep less, eat less, rest less!
Is it any wonder that with that kind of messaging, plus the overwhelming prospect of just living as a human in the world, you have turned off that part of you that may say, "I don't like this?"
Nope. Not surprising at all.
It's beyond messed up, and it fuels a culture in which no one can even feel like they can have "fun" if they aren't making money with it, or doing it with some ulterior motive in sight, because fun just for the sake of fun? Must be nice! No one ACTUALLY gets to live that way.
I call bullshit.
Have some fun, friend. ENJOY YOUR TIME. Don't worry about anything else, and just have fun. What would make you gloriously happy and hardly ever happens because of all the aforementioned horseshit?
Do it. A lot.
Your Inner Critic Makes Miranda Priestley Look Like Dolly Parton
Friends, this right here is a major thing for a lot of people.
When you talk to yourself in your head (and we all do it, so don't even pretend!), are you so super nice?
Super kind?
Super supportive?
Nope? You'll be comforted to know that you are not alone.
Most people out here adulting are being super shitty to themselves on the reg. It's just a thing.
The biggest problem with that, is when you genuinely start to believe everything you're saying to yourself.
If you tell yourself something enough ("I can't do this"), you're going to start to believe it, and then things really get dicey because that leads to you believing more and more even worse stuff about yourself.
It's a vicious cycle.
Positive self-talk is one of the 3 Pillars of Self-Care in my practice, and it's a pillar for a reason. Shifting your language around how you talk to yourself enables you to build compassion and intention, and strengthens your self-care exponentially.
You can't be super kind to yourself and not want to also take great care of yourself.
You're Always Tired and Hibernation is Beginning to Look Like a Potential Lifestyle Choice
So many things can cause fatigue.
Actual fatigue, of course, is a thing if you are doing too much and not getting enough sleep or not eating enough.
Dehydration, stress, anxiety and depression can also cause intense and chronic fatigue, and until you address the underlying cause, the fatigue will continue.
If you are at the point that joining the bears looks good, take stock of a few things:
Are you getting enough water? We'll talk about this in a second, but dehydration is rampant among humans, and causes a host of problems.
Do you need to address a mental health issue? Therapy is incredibly useful and helpful, and I highly recommend it. Even if you don't feel like depression or anxiety (two of the most prevalent issues for people 18-40) is something you're dealing with, your stress levels can be addressed and tools and techniques can be given to you to keep those stress levels down.
How many hours of sleep are you getting a night, and how are you preparing your body for sleep? Most humans need at least 5 hours of sleep a night. A good average for adequate rest is 7 hours. Are you turning off the TV and the lights and trying to go to sleep? Or are you flaming out on the couch and moving to your bed at about 3 AM? Sleep hygiene is a thing, and it can help you immensely if you are struggling with falling asleep.
You're Hoping the Water in Your Coffee Counts as Hydration, Because Water is Not a Thing You Do
Friends, we gotta talk about how much water you're consuming.
The water in tea, coffee and Diet Coke does not count toward your daily water goal.
I know. I am so sorry.
So, the rule of thumb for water is to divide your weight in half and drink that many ounces. So, if you weigh 150 pounds, you'd drink 75 ounces A DAY.
I know. I know! That's every day, not every week. Certainly not every fortnight. It's rough.
Still, your body needs water. Fatigue, dizziness and blood pressure issues are just a few of the things that can come from the fallout of getting too dehydrated.
Also, humans are almost always chronically dehydrated.
So. Switch one Diet Coke a day for a bottle of water.
Then drink a lot more water before and after that Diet Coke. LOL.
Seriously though, use an app, alarms in your phone, a reward system, whatever you need to do to make sure you are getting the water your body needs.
You May Not Think You Need Self-Care, but You Probably Do
Here's the thing.
Could you live without self-care? Absolutely.
Could you enjoy your life without self-care? Sure you could.
Could you enjoy your life MORE and feel a little bit (or a lotta bit!) better if you built a self-care practice?
Yes, 1000%.
You do not have to zombie through your days and weeks and wonder if you might feel good someday.
You don't have to wake up tired and go to bed tired.
You don't have to enjoy and envy a celebrity's life because you don't feel like you have much of one yourself.
You don't have to wonder why you can't remember the last time you had fun that was just fun, and nothing else.
You don't have to treat yourself the worst out of everyone else on the planet.
You do, however, absolutely have to drink water. That's a non-negotiable.
Want to take stock of what's working and what's not, and see what may help you find your way to some self-care? Sign up to get my Need, Want, Can Worksheet here.