We All Make Lists

I am a list maker. I make lists for all sorts of things. The Notes app in my phone is one big pile of lists.

I add things to my list after I've done them just so I can mark them off.

I love lists.

Even if you don't think of yourself as a list maker, you are. You make lists by default in your head when you decide how to prioritize tasks. You make lists when you think of who or what you want to focus on.

Whether you're a person who makes paper lists or a person who makes mental lists, your lists still probably share one commonality - you and your needs aren't on them.

Not only should you be on your own list - you should be the very first thing on it.

Why Don't You Put Yourself on Your Own List?

So why aren't you putting yourself on your own list? There are so many reasons.

How do you even decide what goes on your list?

Most of us only put those things that are in DIRE need of attention on our lists. Putting ourselves on our list doesn't even occur to us because it's such a foreign concept.

We also feel like we shouldn't put ourselves on our list because what would we even write down? Writing down "take care of myself" feels overly broad, but writing down every minuscule thing you need every single day feels excessive. Since you are (hopefully!) with yourself all day every day, it can also feel really unnecessary. You'll know what you need when you need it, right?

That would probably be true if you were completely in touch with your body and intuition and had great boundaries.

Unfortunately, that's not always the case, and therefore you don't always recognize what you need when you need it. If you do, you can tend to ignore whatever it is for a multitude of reasons.

You (all of us, really) have been conditioned to think of the needs around you before your own, and something else always seems more important than your current needs, and when you're overwhelmed it is easy to dismiss your own needs simply because you don't have the mental bandwidth to pursue them and meet them that well.

Why Don't You Put Yourself First?

So let's say you do actually put yourself on your own list. That's great!

If you're listed as No. 27 though, we still need to talk, friend.

When you first start working on your self-care, you'll realize that you DO in fact need to prioritize your own needs and wants, at least some of the time.

It can be really difficult though (especially in the beginning), to allow yourself to make them a TOP priority.

Why is that? A lot of it has to do with the way you see your own worth.

A lot of us struggle with this.

We don't love ourselves enough.

We think our needs or wants are too weird or different or "don't count" as self-care, so we dismiss them out of hand.

We don't recognize our own needs and wants at all

When we do recognize them and decide to prioritize them, we're made to feel that it's selfish, or that we should feel guilty for not putting others first, or that we aren't really worthy of giving the needed time and energy and resources to ourselves.

It is incredibly normal to feel this way, and to have these patterns interfere with you being able to make yourself a top priority. This is part of the work, though, that goes into transformational self-care.

You have to break these patterns and put yourself first on your list before the work you do can transform your life.

How Can This Pattern Be Broken?

Breaking these patterns isn't easy, but it can be simple.

First, you have to be 1000% honest with yourself about what is and isn't working for you and what you ACTUALLY need and want every day that will make your life better.

Once you recognize what needs to happen, you need to do it every single day, even if there are a million reasons not to, or someone is trying to make you feel bad about it, or you don't think you are worth it. Do it anyway. Just do it anyway. You'll begin to see how much better you feel, and you'll realize that nothing should be allowed to keep you from fulfilling your own needs regularly.

Then, once you've recognized and started doing the thing, you just have to keep up the practice. Do it every day. If you notice that something isn't working, be flexible and try something else, or make a small change and see if that helps.

Your self-care will be always changing, and sometimes you will need to do things for a short time and then let go of them. Sometimes a practice will stay with you and benefit you for the rest of your life.

Daily Self-Care Practices are the Equivalent of Being #1 on Your Own List

The 3 Pillars of Self-Care can help you as you work through recognizing, doing, and continuing to practice putting yourself and your needs at the top of your daily to-do list.

Remember to speak to yourself with kindness, and don't let others' stories or opinions change how you treat yourself.

Hold compassion for yourself at every turn. This isn't easy. You have to work to figure out how to do this and do it well. Be gentle with yourself and know that you are doing the very best you can.

Finally, setting intentions to try new things is the best way to discover how to meet your needs quickly, efficiently and well. Be flexible and be intentional.

Finally, make sure you are recognizing DAILY that you have the right to be yourself, you have the right to love yourself just as you are and you have the right to recognize and honor your own needs, whatever they may be. There are no wrong answers in self-care. Your self-care is YOURS. Looking for a partner as you begin your self-care work? That's where I come in! Request a free Introductory Call to learn about my services and to determine if we would be a good fit.