We’ve all seen them! The ads and posts that start somewhere right around Thanksgiving:“19 Ways to Take Control of your Finances In the New Year!”“5 New Years Resolutions Everyone Should Commit To.”“6 Foods You Shouldn’t Be Eating If You Want to Feel Better in Next Year.”“How (App Name) Has Millennials Crushing their Goals!” “This (insert product name) Will Have you Saying YASSSSS in (year)!”The ad copy or post almost always ends with some form of “and make (year) your BEST EVER!!!!! Nowadays, if I think whatever is being directed at me may have some value, I will read it or look into it, but a few years ago, right after I had completed my first full year of self-care (with a veritable SHIT TON of trial and error), I was SO SICK of those ads and posts and articles. See, most of those articles make a lot of very brazen assumptions. For me, I would get really excited about what looked like a really cool exercise program only to find out that the amount of cardio involved was too high to be approved by my doctors. Most of the time, the writers/marketing execs of those posts and products assumed the following:
You were in good to great physical condition with no chronic illness, no abnormal physiological issues, and no food allergies or aversions
You were making enough money to put some in to savings
You were wanting to climb the ladder career-wise
You had money to burn on products, equipment, and items that were non-necessities.
For most of us, a lot of that isn’t the case, and for those of us that it is the case, we still might not want to be told how and why to do things. However, when we read these articles and we see these ads, just like any marketing technique, sometimes we decide we NEED to do this thing/buy this product/follow this diet/save this much money. In 2016, after working to reorient myself as a more self-care focused individual (and after having made strides but not necessarily committing 100% in the years since 2013), I bought into so so so much of that. I remember reading an article that 25-year-olds should have 6 mos salary for an emergency and 3 mos salary for “incidentals” if they owned their home. COME.ON. Nevertheless, I beat myself up internally for a very long time for being “fiscally irresponsible”. It wasn’t until my therapist said to me in a therapy session in 2017, “I think you are very fiscally responsible,” that I started working to rewire that thought pattern. All because of some article! Now! Did that article make me more mindful of my savings goals and spending habits? Yes. Was it valuable in any other way? NO. Did it cause years of negative self-talk around money that I am still trying to undo? Yes. So! These articles can be helpful in the long run, but I think we need a new approach.I always caution anyone looking to begin intentional habit-building or action-taking on too much too fast, and it’s because I did too much too fast and had to rebuild from square one. So, I want this year to be YOUR best year yet. Not because you followed the advice in some article, but because you sat down and mapped out YOUR goals, and YOUR needs and YOUR desires and decided what would make the next several months work for YOU. You can answer the three questions I posit in every self-care habit-building/action-taking session: What do you NEED to do? What do you WANT to do? What CAN you do? For example, you may NEED to work toward saving more money due to a health crisis, job instability, or a life event. You may WANT to save $250 a month, but you might recognize that you more easily CAN save $100 a month. Not falling into the “should” zone, being honest about what small step you can easily do and then moving to a place of higher/more often/more consistently, and not setting unrealistic expectations is always the way to start. We want to be proud and excited about what we are achieving, not measuring it against some impossible ideal and then falling down a negative hole when we don’t get there. Here are some general goal-setting tips that I always give:
Wanting to improve your dietary habits? Start by committing to ONE change. Eat at home one more time per week, cut eating out by half, increase water intake by 16 oz. a day, don’t eat after 9 pm.
Wanting to save more money? If you are a cash spender, stick away every bill you get of a certain denomination (the one I see most often is $5 bills). Use a debit card? Auto-save with your bank. Start with a small amount each week and go from there.
Wanting to work on fitness? Search for exercises you can do at home (without equipment, if preferred) and start with a short amount of time a few times a week.
Wanting to build a habit such as reading, meditating, less screen time, or earlier bed time? Set an alarm, and start with a short amount of time at first. Work up to longer periods or an even earlier bedtime!
Make one small change and stick with it for a while, then reassess. Also, if something is NOT WORKING, you don’t need to continue it. Seriously. There is no shame in saying, "I thought this was something that I wanted/needed and I can now see that it's not. I am going to discontinue working toward this." All of this was so hard for me when I first started. I wanted to make ALL the changes all at once and have them all work perfectly. Guess what? That doesn’t happen. I also held on to some ideas and habits longer than was good for me, thinking eventually I would learn to love a new routine or habit that didn't serve me and/or that I loathed. This just led to more negativity and resentment surrounding what should be a celebration of how far I had come. The longer I am on this self-care journey and the deeper I get into it, the more I realize that our best yardstick is GROWTH. You are never going to get to a point where everything is “perfect” all the time, but being able to look back and see that you committed to something that has truly effected positive change for YOU and your life is freaking magical. I have the joy of being able to celebrate new patterns and habits and commitments and to keep trying when I can’t quite get there. Sometimes it can be frustrating, trying to grow into the next version of yourself, and sometimes it’s exhausting and discouraging, and you have to say, “I did my best and I’ll try again tomorrow.” In those moments, know that you are supported and loved and worthy, no matter what goals you achieve, and that any time you do achieve a goal, it is going to be totally totally worth it.
