Hey y'all! What are the basics of self-care, and how do we use them to build intentional self-care routines?The Three Pillars:There are three major components to self-care.
Positive Self-Talk
Self-Compassion
Intentional Habit Building
Positive self-talk is just what it sounds like. Do you listen to yourself when you talk to yourself? What kinds of things do you say? This was the first and most impactful discovery I made about self-care when I first started practicing it. I was REALLY mean to myself. I had the highest and most ridiculous expectations for myself, and I didn't even really understand why I acted the way I did sometimes. When I started monitoring my thoughts, I realized that I was in a horrible cycle of having high expectations, not meeting them, and then berating myself when I failed to meet them. This is no.way.to.live.By monitoring our thoughts AND what we are saying to ourselves, we can catch ourselves before things turns ugly. We can also bolster our own efforts and support ourselves as we begin to develop our own self-care regimen. It all starts with our thoughts!In turn, when you realize that you haven't met an expectation, or when your routine becomes harder to manage in times of stress, self-compassion is the first step to figuring out what comes next.When we are truly listening to ourselves, honoring our thoughts and feelings and bodies, we figure out what we truly want. When you walk in self-compassion, you allow yourself the space to decide what is really needed, what is really expected and what really needs to happen without punishing yourself for it. I have also experienced a higher level of understanding and love of everyone when I am more compassionate with myself.Finally, intentional habit building can come from looking inward, recognizing the areas you want to elevate and evaluating the expectations for yourself around that issue. When I am choosing which habits I want to work on, I tend to work backwards. What is the end goal? What habits can help me get there? Which ones do I think I need to focus on first? Here's an example:
Goal: I want to sleep better
Habits that will help: Turning off the tv earlier, putting down my phone, not drinking caffeine after 4 pm, short meditation before bed
Habits to work on first: Turning off the tv earlier, putting down phone
From there, I might set an alarm for both the tv and phone cutoff times and set the expectation that I will try to turn off the tv and phone on the first try 2 times a week.The great thing about self-care is that it's ever-changing. This was one of the things I just didn't get when I started on my self-care journey. I came up with my goals, determined my habits, monitored my thoughts better, and decided that THIS was the self-care plan and it was never going to change and it was never going to need to be adjusted. I was going to eventually habituate my self-care so that it was perfect and life was always going to be wonderful. It would just take time, right?UMMMM...wrong.Something you need to know right now, before you do anything...self-care is a spectrum. I think of my self-care as different levels of self-care. Level 1, I make sure I am getting enough water and I am eating something during the day and sleeping at least a little bit at night. This is the routine I fall back on when shit is hard. Did I drink water today? Did I eat? Have I slept a bit? Check. Get through the day and do it all over again. I get down to a Level 1 during times of peak stress, during times of grief, and during times when my PTSD is flaring. The trick for me with Level 1 is to really give myself a break and recognize how much I am going through, as opposed to telling myself I need to "buck up." Self-compassion for the win, here.Level 2 is where I live most of the time. Here, I consistently practice my intentional habits, I have pretty consistent positive self-talk, and I can give myself grace in most situations. I find that at Level 2, consistency is key, along with managing expectations.Whatever level you are at, know that you can make changes any time. Have you decided on a habit that you consistently can't reach or that frustrates you regularly? Pitch it. Focus on something else for right now. You can always try again later with the habit that's currently making you crazy.I know that this is all very general, but as we build this community, I will go into much more detail on all of this. I am grateful you are here with me, and I look forward to growing with you. I also highly recommend The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown and What to Say When You Talk to Yourself by Shad Helmstetter for more information on self-compassion and positive self-talk.
